No matter which side of the widening political divide you call home, right now Americans of all stripes seem to have one thing in common. We are all furious. Every time you turn on the news or drag your eyes across the web it's the same story. Any time of the say, someone somewhere is complaining about your side complaining about their side complaining about your side-- like standing in a room with two mirrors facing each other but with twice as much "is my butt really that big?" awkwardness.
Left, right, middle or diagonal, news sites always seem to bring you bad tidings of one sort or another, and for hardcore news junkies that sort of thing can be a real problem. It's gotten so bad recently that many of us have begun to take up other hobbies, and in some cases this means going outside for the first time in two years, which we all know carries the risk of exposure to actual sunlight. It goes without saying that something has to be done.
Mom always told us that the best way to take the edge off of an abrasive or intimidating person was to imagine them in their underwear. Well, since that hasn't seem to have worked in this case, we decided to go one better and imagine America's most prominent web-based pundits doing really unhygienic things with farm animals.
Sound like a terrible idea for a Wednesday night? Of course! So here, without further ado is a short list of porny versions of serious political websites:
ThickProgress.org
MuffingtonPost.com
FiveSixtyNine.com
PeeRepublic.com
DailyBaller.com
TheSpoogeReport.com
MotherBones.org
Add your own in the comments section and see how long it takes for us to delete them! Fun!
Posted by Klem Johansen, Wednesday September 01, 2010 (0 votes) | 1 Comments | Permalink
Western Games Take The World By Storm
Over the past decade, the video game industry has seen another huge successful production of games that has come out. However it's very difficult to match the gaming capabilities of Red Dead Redemption. With game physics like the one in this particular game, it's no wonder the game is selling at an incredible rate. The game imitates the western world in a fabulous way , with just about everything western added. From Mexican stand-offs, to having a good old fashioned game of casino style poker to hunting outlaws. The game has scored well with almost all the well known online video game magazines. Developed by Rock star Games, the people who made the Grand Theft Auto series, it's quite possible that the reason they developed a western game was to try something new and not just be known as "people who only made Grand Theft Auto." A full thumbs up to Red Dead Redemption.
Glenn Beck Celebrates Opposite Day With Ironic MLK Speech
Any discussion of Glenn Beck's MLK-style rally on the national mall last Saturday usually elicits one of two responses: anger over an alleged racist's opportunistic co-opting of the themes of the civil rights movement or appreciation from those hoping to make racism socially acceptable again.
Of course, there is a third option, that the whole thing was an expensive and elaborate gag and that most Americans just don't get it. Check your calendar. August 28th was Opposite Day. (If that's not what your calendar says, it is most likely defective and you should return it to the publisher as soon as you can for a refund.) It can be no mere coincidence that Beck would choose such a date for his strange and comically sincere rally. He cleverly used that specific point on the calendar to express his profound disquiet about the rise of racism in America by speaking in opposites.
He wasn't saying that white people should attempt to "reclaim the civil rights movement." That would be crazy, not to mention regressive, hateful, and rather stupid to even suggest. He was making the opposite-day argument that the cultural and economic residue of slavery and racism persists even today and that those who continue to benefit from it have an obligation to make things better through understanding and reconciliation.
In retrospect, it's hard to believe that anyone could have missed the clues. First of all, Beck continually introduces himself as a comedian, which most people brush off as a crass technique for displacing blame for saying something demonstrably false and abhorrent just because he often does this after saying something demonstrably false and abhorrent.
Everything on display on Saturday pointed to the work of a skilled comic mind: the mock professorial pedantry, the ironic hypocrisy, the womanly tears. Even the giant "restoring honor" sign above his head, the one that looked as if they ran out of room before "to der fatherland," was part of Beck's imaginative prank. Upon reflection, most professional comics agree that "arbeit macht frei" would have been funnier, but it risked tipping the joke and ruining it all for the few who actually understood it.
From the text and tone of the speech, a listener could easily tell that Beck was being sarcastic. However, for sufferers of a rare genetic disorder who lack the specific neural receptors to detect and process it, the humor was completely lost. As it happens, the Venn diagram of this patient population and Beck's fan base is basically just a circle.
Naturally, someone hearing his opposite-speech on Saturday might have taken his words at face value and assumed that he was an opportunistic racist with an ego roughly the size of the sun. But once you come to grips with the fact that it was all a clever jape, the rest of the event makes perfect sense and, you have to admit, it becomes pretty funny.
Think of it. For more than an hour he stood there on stage before tens of thousands of Fox News viewers and made fun of them right in front of their obese, sweaty faces. Many of those people drove hundreds of miles to endure Beck's subtle insults and then proceeded to clap thunderously on every third word. He combined the subtlety and absurdism of Andy Kauffman and the raw insult comedy of Don Rickles, and somehow managed to take his joke much farther than either one of them. What Beck accomplished on Saturday is nothing short of legendary. On pure scale alone, this could qualify as the biggest and most successful prank ever pulled, with the possible exception of the Bush Presidency. Sadly, though, it may be another generation before most people fully understand his true genius.
Posted by Klem Johansen, Saturday August 28, 2010 (9 Votes) | 2 Comments | Permalink
Fox Chief White House Correspondant Resigns In Order To "Give Journalism A Try"
Sad news this week for long-time fans of America's #1 news network: Fox News Chief White House Correspondent Major Garrett announced this week that he's leaving the network. In a letter to coworkers, network executives, and GOP handlers, Garrett explained that he felt the need to move on in order to pursue his other passions. Most notably, he indicated that he might try his hand at professional journalism.
"I know it sounds crazy, but it's always been a dream of mine to be a reporter," wrote Garrett. "After years of talking into a camera in front of a backdrop of real journalists, it started to look like a lot of fun. So, one day I decided to just go for it."
In truth, this mid-life career change isn't as dramatic as all that-- at least on the surface. At Fox, Garrett was paid to look and sound almost exactly like a real journalist, but now that he wants to actually be one he'll have to go back to school and learn all those lessons on objectivity and fact-gathering that he had been pretending to know all along. When asked if all this sounded a bit like actor Hugh Laurie going to medical school, Garrett said that he was shocked to learn that Laurie has been practicing pretend medicine all this time without a pretend medical license.
Even after Garrett graduates, though, there's no guarantee he'll find his dream job. And even if he does, he'll almost certainly have to take a huge pay cut from what he's used to raking in at his current employer. This is because, as Garrett recently learned to his great surprise, the "real" news business is in serious financial trouble. Apparently, people just don't want to read newspapers anymore. It's entirely too much work and, besides, they contain all sorts of disquieting information that most Americans would prefer not to know. Meanwhile over at Fox News, the WWE of journalism, ratings have never been higher and money is quite literally dripping from the fixtures, though that is probably due to a serious plumbing issue with the custom-built gold coin bidet in Roger Ailes' executive bathroom.
Even though he was severely disappointed to learn that he won't be able to take his producers with him to Columbia to feed him all the answers via his IFB earpiece, Garrett says that he is still quite excited to get on with his new life and the prospect of one day rejoining the White House correspondents team, this time as a genuine member of their ranks.
"I won't pretend that I'm up to that level or anything," admitted Garret. "You should see these people work. It's amazing. When Robert Gibbs is talking during those boring press briefings, they're taking notes the whole time. Can you believe it? I just get a bullet-pointed email from Roger Ailes' assistant telling me what to say. One of these days, I'm going to become a real live reporter and make my own phonecalls and check my own facts. I'll get to tell people what's actually happening instead of telling them what everyone desperately wants to believe."
In response, the network issued a statement on Wednesday to express their sadness at Garrett's departure and to correct the implication that he and his network do not practice genuine news-gathering. "Fox News hired Major Garrett, and Fox News is the number one news network. Ipso facto, he is a real journalist. Major Garrett is a 'legitimate reporter' at least as much as Al Capone was a 'legitimate businessman.'"
Posted by staff, Wednesday August 25, 2010 (0 votes) | 0 Comments | Permalink
Obama's Best Option: Change Parties
Dear Mr. President,
The last two years haven't been easy by any stretch of the imagination, but you must know as well as I do that it's about to get a whole lot worse. Republicans are about to win big, and when they do take charge next year they're going to much farther than merely vilifying you and blocking your every move. GOP leaders have made it clear that they intend to repeal your landmark legislation on healthcare and Wall Street reform. Not only that, a small but growing group of House Republicans are now saying that they plan to impeach you. As for what high crimes and misdemeanors you may have committed, they can offer about as much detail as they can about their own economic proposals, but that hardly matters. They're going to chew you up like a horde of librophobic piranhas.
For a long time folks suspected that a lot of this resistance and virulent hatred came from some form of lingering racism within the Republican rank and file. Lynched effigies and Klan iconography on display at Fox-News-sponsored rallies notwithstanding, that seems a little too simplistic to explain all of it. Moreover, the source of their anger can't be baed in your policies. Much to the chagrin of progressives, there's far too little distance between your policies and those of your predecessor. If you blindfolded voters and presented many of your big-ticket ideas in a Pepsi-style taste test, they would probably have you pegged as an early 90's moderate Republican. As much as conservatives grouse and squawk over every sentence you utter, many of your most reviled bills are based on Republican ideas.
And maybe this is what is really at the heart of it all. They don't hate you, Mr. President, they hate how well you've adopted center-right Republican ideas and resold them with so much success. Now, usually it's the white guys who steal black culture and repackage it for the suburbs, but in this case you flipped it on its ear. You're the Elvis of conservatism, and they just can't stand it.
There is a solution to all of this, though you may not be ready to accept it just yet. You should become one of them. You should change parties. Oh, and before you clutch your pearls in horror at that notion, ask yourself how much would really have to change for this to work. Guantanamo is still open. Gays still can't serve openly in the military. We still do extraordinary rendition and all sorts of terrible stuff, though just a bit further outside our peripheral vision. The Professional Left has been saying it all along, and it is high time you came to grips with the truth of it: you are a Republican and you probably always have been.
And if you're worried about the your reelection effort, worry no more. Certainly, someone with your moderate views (and skin color) would never make it through the GOP's meat-grinder primary process. So, now is the perfect time to make the switch, well before the 2012 election cycle heats up enough for top-level candidates to declare. Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin won't be able to stand on the same stage with you without wetting their slacks and Democrats would still be in such shock from your betrayal that they probably wouldn't even bother fielding a candidate. With one decisive action, you would render the 2012 election cycle entirely moot.
Remember all the rancor and ill will generated by the last general election? Now think of all that noise boiled down to nothing more irksome than crickets chirping on a warm summer night. Sounds peaceful, doesn't it?
I'm guessing that the last couple of paragraphs didn't do anything for you. Cheap election tricks aren't your thing, I'm guessing. That's fine. In fact, it's great because by disarming the hate machine currently set against you, this plan would give you much more freedom to actually govern.
All this time, Republicans have been openly rooting for the economy to fail and holding up jobs bills and scuttling stimulus efforts to make sure it does just that. With you among their ranks they won't be able to do that anymore. In another six months the economy will improve markedly and your new teammates will be able to take credit for the whole thing. Everybody wins.
Want to get out of Afghanistan? That's easy. By becoming a Republican you earn instant military cred. No longer would you have to worry about future unrest (come on, it's Afghanistan, that's what it's there for) staining your Presidential reputation. Become a Republican and pull the troops out tomorrow. Blammo. After that, anything they can't figure out is their problem. You're a Republican.
And say goodbye to all those rumors about you being a Muslim (not that there's anything wrong with that). As a Republican, Fox News would be obligated to use the phrase "good Christian man" in every reference to you, hundreds of times every single day. Believe it or not, old people will start to really like you, and you won't have those awkward encounters anymore.
Bush Issues Open Letter Soliciting Congratulations On Iraq
Hey, America. What's up? Retirement is great, by the way. Thanks for asking. A few years ago I was so caught up in the rush-rush pace of Washington life that I never had time to just sit and think, and nowadays that's pretty much all I do. From about 10 in the morning until I go to bed ten hours later, I like to sit in the dark in nothing but my underwear, applying lotion to my various rashes and watching the news. It's awesome.
As a matter of fact, I was watching the news Wednesday night and I saw the darndest thing. There was a live shot of this big-ass convoy of American troop carriers and, get this, they were leaving Iraq. I was waiting for the situation to reverse itself like it had so many times before. I thought that maybe somebody forgot his wallet in the Green Zone or something and they'd have to turn the whole thing around to get it, but no, they just kept on going until they reached the Kuwait border. I'm being really cautious in saying this because I've gotten burned before but here goes: the combat mission in Iraq is over, for real this time. For really, really real.
We all know what this means, right? It's time to congratulate me, everybody. Just form a line outside house running counter-clockwise from the front door. My place isn't hard to find. Suburban Dallas blah blah the house on the corner with all the windows painted black. I expect to hear all of your mea culpas soon-- except for a few thousand of you, of course. Those folks won't be able to thank me until I get to heaven.
Far be it from me to say I told you so, America, but hehe I told you so. I said it would be a breeze. And check it out-- seven and a half years later we're washing our hands of the place. And it only cost us 4,500 American lives and a paltry $750 billion. That's just a fraction of a trillion. We came in under our secret, retroactively-applied budget! Score one for the Compassionate Conservative!
Remember just a couple of months after the war started and I was all "boom! We're done!" and you all laughed at me? Well, the war really is over now so suck on that! I wasn't wrong about the war ending in 2003. I was seven years ahead of my time. So, I'm just like Brian Eno or David Lynch but instead of making music or movies my chosen field is waging war for no discernible reason.
I'm so glad the nightmare of personal accountability is over at last. People gave me so much hell when they didn't find WMD. Hey, it's not my fault soldiers and trained inspectors are so bad at finding things that may only exist in my imagination. And the parents of soldiers killed in Iraq, ugh, they were the worst. They're still pissed off, blaming me for their loss just because I happened to be the one who sent their children off to die. But now the war is over, so they can't be angry at me anymore. As Socrates or some other guy in a dress once said, "the ends always justify the means-- or something." Now that the end is finally here, the mean way we got there is totally justified. Therefor you can't call it an unjustified war anymore. Boo-yah!
I know you guys can't see this, but I'm dictating this letter into my computer with a giant "Mission Accomplished" banner unfurled behind me. I made it myself from an old bed sheet and some used house paint I found in the garage. Through the haze of antidepressants, my version looks almost exactly like the original except I added "er" at the end. In a way, I guess this banner is a lot like me. It's not perfect but it means well. Also, I cut myself a bunch of times in the process of making the thing, so I guess that makes this banner even more like me. It causes grievous injury, but that's OK because it never meant to hurt anyone. In the last six hours or so of staring at it I've begun to think that there's a weird spiritual connection between us, like we're blood brothers or something. Have I mentioned that the meds they have me on now are fantastic? I am tripping balls right now, America. Woooo!
Still, I thought it was a little odd that none of the news channels invited me on last night to gloat, even the one I used to run out of my press office. That's probably because y'all have been calling my house in Crawford and you don't have my new number here in Dallas. That's perfectly understandable. I had my people fax my contact details off to the major news outlets this morning, but I can't be sure that actually happened. Before she left for her luncheon, Laura mentioned something about how I didn't actually have a staff now and that I shouldn't use the coffee maker to communicate with my imaginary friends.
Well, whenever you're ready to congratulate me and ask for my forgiveness, I'll be right here. Waiting.
Posted by George W. Bush, Thursday August 19, 2010 (1 Votes) | 0 Comments | Permalink
New Christian Church Has Concerned Citizens Asking "Why There?"
I don't know if you've heard but someone just forwarded me an email about this. Apparently, there's a fundamentalist Christian church that wants to build a new complex just a few blocks away from the former site of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Yes, the very same Murrah Federal Building they blew up just fifteen short years ago. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for religious freedom, but why there? It certainly wouldn't have killed them to take a moment to consider the sensitivities of the victims' families before planting a flag of victory so near the site of this most heinous crime. Do they feel no remorse for the actions of their fellow fundamentalists?
And why now? The whole unnecessary episode is opening old wounds in this city. Just five years from now it will have been two decades since that terrible April day, but right now it's too soon.
Worse still, this appears to be part of a trend. Similar groups have cynically erected churches very near other sites of Christian-themed violence. Amazingly, there is even a church right across from Olympic Park in Atlanta. For those keeping score, that's zero blocks away from the bombing site. At some point you have to ask yourself: are they really promoting religious tolerance as they claim or are they simply gloating? Are they taking advantage of our good graces just so they can rub it in our faces the next time they decide to strike out at the sinful culture of mainstream America?
Now, I understand the arguments of people who claim that it's unfair to say "they did it" since only a couple of them actually carried out the act and that it's unreasonable to hold a group responsible for the actions of every one of its devotees. And yes, I realize that not all fundamentalist Christians are domestic terrorists, but for all those who see no harm in this new church the time has come to face facts. In the US, more acts of politically-motivated violence are carried out by fundamentalist Christians than by any other group. They say they're a religion that believes in peace, and I'm sure that for many of them this is probably true. But when you really listen to what these folks preach day in and day out-- fierce opposition to civil rights, the subjugation of women, and a deep desire to apply their own religious law to the Constitution -- it's enough to curl your hair.
They put on a bland, benevolent face for the public but you must remember that this is a group with a history of violence, both on the large and small scale, and forced conversion for those who do not share their hateful social views and literalist superstitions.
Some say we shouldn't stand up to these fundamentalist bullies for fear that it will only provoke them to more violence, but perhaps a better question is whether we can afford the luxury of religious tolerance with groups like this skulking about in plain sight. Are we really supposed to stand aside and do nothing while these violent bigots hide behind a loophole in the Bill of Rights?
But then again, this is America. People are free to act and worship as they please. Even though I don't trust you, we can live side by side in harmony-- as I leer at you through my curtains. But when you ask them about religious tolerance, they aren't as open-minded as you or I. Their solution: making all of us just like them. Now, does that sound very "American" to you? Of course it doesn't. It sounds about as un-American as, say, using faith-based xenophobia to gain political advantage in an election year. Thank goodness nobody is that pig-headed.
Posted by Frank, Wednesday August 18, 2010 (0 votes) | 1 Comments | Permalink
Is Your Infant A "Terror Baby?" Take The Quiz!
In my experience in the journalism business, I've learned that nearly all truly great news stories start with a sentence like "something in your house may be killing you right now." Well, America, something in your house may be killing you right now. As a matter of fact, you may be holding it in your arms and cooing at it right now. How can you know this one is real? Because it comes from a very reputable source: not just a Texan but a Republican Texan at that. So we know it's not just some idle threat-mongering attempt to generate attention. You can read the rest of this if you dare, but you may want to start soiling your underpants now just to save time.
Rep. Louis Gohmert took to the airwaves last week to ring the alarm bell about what could be the greatest threat facing America today: terror babies. These are the offspring of illegal immigrants who slip over the border not to find jobs and make a better life for their families but to plop out a terror-bred baby, granted citizenship by the dreaded Fourteenth Amendment, who will carry out some unspeakable act of evil all for the glory of some foreign god.
In a few years, he says, the plague of neo-natal terrorism will be everywhere: children barely old enough to crawl carrying out elaborate plots to destroy America; infants crafting high-powered explosives from their own diaper droppings; toddlers ripping off their pull-ups to expose Dora-themed C-4 belts and shouting "allahu akbar" just before detonating themselves all over the snack table.
As a matter of fact, a number of websites have come out with brazenly unsubstantiated reports that indicate that the problem could extend much farther than just the offspring of illegal immigrants. They claim to have new information showing that terrorists from the future may have traveled back in time (or "will have traveled" depending upon which time-displacement style manual to which you subscribe) to artificially inseminate thousands of American women with babies carrying the insidious "terror gene."
So, the question every parent in America needs to be asking themselves right now is "could my child be a terrorist?" And, of course, the answer is probably yes. No matter what you might think, it's likely that your adorable infant is secretly harboring the hateful beliefs of fundamentalist Islam, rather than the far less objectionable beliefs of hateful fundamentalist Christianity.
That's right. Those tiny strangers in your house are probably enemy agents bent on destroying everything you hold dear, but you don't want to believe that because they're "your children" and you "love them." It's the cuteness that lures you in, Gohmert warns. With their chubby cheeks and snotty little noses, we'd never suspect them of trafficking in international terrorism. If anything, we would probably excuse the early warning signs as typical bratty behavior: "Oh no, Billy is pretending to drive his Cozy Coupe into the Pentagon again! But he's so adorable I just can't bear to call Homeland Security on him."
To help other parents get past this initial hesitation and to help them identify the early stages of Juvenile Jihad Syndrome, Gohmert co-authored a new book with Jeff Foxworthy titled "Your Baby Might Be A Terrorist If (dot dot dot)."
Does your child refer to their crib as a "sleeper cell?" Your baby might be a terrorist.
Does your baby wake you up in the middle of the night just to undermine your homeland security preparedness? Your baby might be a terrorist.
Does your baby have a long grey beard and issue fatwas against the family pets? Your baby might be a terrorist.
When you watch Blue's Clues with your child, do they change the channel to Al Jazeera when you're not looking? Your baby might be a terrorist.
Listen carefully to your baby during nap time. Does the adorable gurgling sound like quotations from the Qur'an? If not, you need to listen harder. Oh, and your baby might be a terrorist.
This isn't true of everyone, of course. Vigilant patriots like Gohmert have suspected for years that children, even his own children, have been trying to kill him for years.
"I'm pretty sure my child is a terror baby," said one woman on the 800 line Gohmert established to gather anonymous terror baby tips. "She won't stop crying and refuses to sleep. Obviously, she's trying to bring down Western Democracy by being a real pain in the ass. What do I need to do to start the process of having her deported or detained in a secret prison in Eastern Europe?
Posted by Klem Johansen, Monday August 16, 2010 (0 votes) | 1 Comments | Permalink
RECORD-BREAKING DEAL: Galifianakis To Appear In Every Film Produced In The Next Five Years
Some actors struggle all their lives to land just one role in a major motion picture. Others, like comic actor Zach Galifianakis, star of The Hangover, G-Force, Visioneers, Reno 911, and several as-yet untranslated Bollywood films, seem to have plum roles coming out of their butts (which is slightly ironic since he is slated to appear in a handful of diarrhea-based comedies later this year). It's only natural why producers seem to choose him over and over. Just one look at his jaunty beard and camera-ready belly and you can tell right away that this man is a movie star, a leading man's leading man.
Clearly this is no mere actor pumping out one or two movies a year. Galifianakis is more akin to an elite athlete training and working every day with one goal in mind: complete saturation. Without doubt, he's built an impressively dense filmography for such a brief career, and yet there are still dead spots on the calendar when you can go to your local multiplex and not find a Galifianakis movie playing. Some people say that it's physically impossible for him to be in more movies than he already is, but thankfully Galifianakis is undeterred by such concerns.
Zach Galifianakis, the star of Dinner for Schmucks, Kanye West's "Can't Tell Me Nothing," and Jimmy Loomis' 9th grade English project, just signed a record-setting movie deal that guarantees him a role in every movie made through the year 2015 - every big budget action pic, every World-War II documentary, every navel-gazing indie flick, and every corporate training video. All of it. There's even a rider in the contract that gives him the option of appearing in educational films and select home movies.
In truth, most moviegoers won't notice the difference. Instead of being in 90% of American theatrical releases, Galifianakis will soon appear in 100% of them. The biggest change will probably occur online. In recent years, the actor's busy shooting schedule required so many updates to his IMDB listing that it broke the site's database a couple of times last spring. With all the new work coming his way, the site announced major changes for his page. The new entry will be greatly abbreviated to say "Actor: Everything 2008-2015."
That's great, you might be saying, but those movies won't come out for a couple of years. I need more Galifianakis now! To satisfy growing customer demand, Comcast Cable recently announced that they will be adding the "Plus Galifianakis" feature to its on-demand system later this fall. Soon customers will be able to add this ubiquitous comic hero to anything they like. Anything at all. You say you like stuffy English costume dramas but you want a hint of edgy, fourth-wall irony? just hit the "+Galifianakis" button on your remote and enjoy the digitally-enhanced comic stylings of America's favorite uncombed funnyman. All that on-demand porn getting a little stale? Go ahead and hit that button and see what happens when Galifianakis comes shambling through the background looking confused and slightly homeless. Suddenly, it's not just sexy. It's hobo-erotic!
And it is this unkempt charisma that seems to be at the heart of his unstoppable appeal. With his mumbly delivery and slept-in-these-clothes screen presence, Galifianakis is more than just a lovable slob. He is an avatar for America's homeless problem. With his non-sequiturs and his purposeful bumbling, he gives guilt-ridden middle class folks a chance to laugh off concerns about a very serious social issue. In that sense, Zach Galifianakis could be for homelessness what Foster Brooks was for alcoholism.
With that in mind, all of this makes perfect sense. Of course we need him in every movie. Our collective peace of mind depends upon it.
And yet what's best for us may not be the best thing for the actor himself. Some in the industry, and even his close friends, have expressed deep concerns about the possible negative effects of this non-stop work schedule. Veteran actor Michael Caine, after seeing Galifianakis in a walk-on cameo at his grandson's school play, left him a voicemail saying simply "take it from me, son, you can say 'no' every now and then."
Yet, in spite of these urges to take a break, Galifianakis insists that he won't be getting off this gravy train until it comes to a full and complete stop.
"Just look at me," he said, pointing to the unidentified stain covering most of his painstakingly wrinkled shirt. "This will be over soon, and if I ever want to have sex again, I'm going to need to earn enough money to pay for it. And I'm going to need a lot of money."
Still, several industry insiders insist that the deal will never work because the fickle moviegoing public will grow tired of him long before the contract expires. Galifianakis, they say, is nothing more than a flash in the pan, this year's Jack Black. That's a particularly odd thing to say since everyone knows that Galifianakis will be playing the title role in a Jack Black biopic next summer alongside Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, and Jack Black.
Posted by Mark Arenz, Thursday August 12, 2010 (2 Votes) | 0 Comments | Permalink
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