Ridiculopathy.com

Broke California Govt. To Pay Bills with Catchphrases, Unsold DVDs

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:00:00 -0700

Unable to hammer out a balanced budget agreement Wednesday's deadline, California is now a state without a budget, soon to be without cash as well. Unwilling or unable to make the necessary cuts, state lawmakers must find some other way to bridge their $24 billion shortfall.

Not to worry, though. A state known for its creative industries is sure to find an innovative and clever solution. In fact, state officials have already come up with a slew of ideas. With a deficit this large, though, even the best plan won't resolve the issue all on its own. It's going to take a whole

of bold new ideas. Here are just a few:

Make use of California's biggest and most visible asset. That's right, everybody. "Get to da choppa!" Citizens can pay $250 a pop to have Gov. Arnold leave his voice on their answering machine to impress their friends- though he cannot say his catchphrase "I'll be back" due to term limits.

Another great idea would be to find a way to turn unsold Pluto Nash DVDs into a kind of currency. I read somewhere that the state has warehouses of them. Collect a dumpster full of them and buy a loaf of day-old bread! The state could just box them up by the ton and ship them off to creditors in lieu of loan payments. Problem solved....

Take the New Haven Firefighter Promotions Exam!

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 18:00:00 -0700

In light of Monday's surprising Supreme Court Decision in the New Haven Firefighters case, some have accused the court of reverse-reverse discrimination. The city had decided to throw out the exam because they feared litigation over the apparently racially divided results. By upending a lower court decision and ruling against the city, the High Court has essentially forced New Haven to not not promoting these men because they are not black. So, you could argue that these men were promoted because they are white.

Well, one of them is Hispanic, but you get the idea. The facts aren't as important as the initial impact, the undeniable edginess of the statement. If I play my cards right I'll get called up to the talk show big leagues.

The test is still under seal, but our crack team of researchers has obtained a copy. So now you, too, can test your mettle against the famed New Haven firefighters promotional exam....

Madoff Gets Life Sentence, Fools Manhattan Couple Into Taking His Place

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:00:00 -0700

In court on Monday afternoon, a judge sentenced Robert Madoff to 150 years in prison for his role in a far-reaching Ponzi scheme that defrauded investors of billions of dollars. However, just when it looked like his victims would see some modicum of justice in this case, it now appears that Madoff won't see a single day behind bars. Through a complex series of contracts and asset transfers, Madoff fooled a Manhattan couple into doing his entire sentence for him in exchange for worthless stock in his company.

"I'm not even sure what happened," said Gil LaBelle from his holding cell on Riker's Island. "It was just a little real estate deal, he said. Greta and I signed some papers and then, bam, uniformed officers showed up and put us in a squad car. I guess what they say is true. That Bob Madoff is really good."...

6/25 - Never Forget!!

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 18:00:00 -0700

Even as we reel from the terrible events of June 25th, we must pause to take stock and attempt to learn whatever we can. Sadly, it often takes a tragedy like this to open our eyes to what we as a nation must do. After the demise of the manufacturing sector and the exporting of white collar jobs, celebrities are now just about the only export product we have left. If America is to survive economically, we have to find a way to prevent further tragedies like this.

People say that such concerns are frivolous. They say that celebrities are human beings, just as frail and mortal as the rest of us. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. Could anyone look at Michael Jackson and say with any level of certainty whether he was even a mammal, let alone a human being?...

Robots Help Teach Children the Value of Racism

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:00:00 -0700

In the wake of shows like Sesame Street and the Cosby Show, people don't seem to understand just how hard it is to teach racial stereotypes to children these days.

If things keep going in this way, experts say that a generation or two down the road these pearls of ethnographic wisdom might disappear from the national consciousness altogether.

Thankfully, director Michael Bay has found a way to deliver these racial caricatures in a way that will appeal to children: funny "urban" robots. In his new film Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, a pair of funny jive-talkin, gold-toothed robots perform a soft-shoe dance during a break in the action to teach children just how comical non-white races can be. Did I mention that one of them is illiterate?...