WASHINGTON, D.C.- For Democratic Presidential Candidate John Kerry, the traditional June lull in campaign activity has been a chance to rethink and retool prior to convention season. In spite of a narrow lead in the polls, Kerry's candidacy has run into a serious problem over the past few months. It seems that his numbers drop significantly every time he makes a statement. While his recent reclusive strategy has worked well enough, campaign manager Mary Beth Cahill understands full well that at some point before November Kerry will be required to say something. After several unsuccessful attempts at convincing the major networks to not broadcast Kerry's convention address, party officials decided on a new approach: legally changing their nominee's name to "Mr. Not George Bush."

The name change should help clear up some of the befuddlement over who's who in the race for the nation's top job. Kerry's positions on issues like the economy and the War on Terror are strikingly similar to those of President Bush. To Kerry, the real differences between the major candidates are not the policies themselves but the intentions behind them. On the issue of Iraq, for example, Kerry says that his administration would require American forces to remain, although he adds that he would feel "really bad" about it.

"As a pragmatist, I feel we have no choice but to finish what we started in Iraq, but at the same time we must understand that it's a fool's errand in which we send our young men and women to die needlessly," said Kerry in April. "We'll stay there as long as is needed to finish the job, though as a Vietnam veteran I recognize that we probably won't."

Reporters and columnists have complained that the change will make it difficult to cover the election since no one will be sure which candidate one is writing about, Mr. Bush or Mr. Bush. Some jaded journos have steadfastly refused to use the new name, while others plan to refer to the Democratic nominee as "The Senator Formerly Known as John Kerry."

The name change could also significantly reduce the confusion that appeared to mar the 2000 contest, offering voters a clear choice between the current President and the ambiguous alternative who isn't President but would like to be. With the approval of local boards of election, the new-and-improved ballot could look something like this:

[ ] George Bush
[ ] Not George Bush

Democrats have worked hard in recent weeks to prevent the addition of a third candidate, Some Other Guy, to ballots in several key battleground states. Some argue that in the previous election cycle Some Other Guy scuttled the near-miss campaign of Nerdy Former VP, and they don't want to see that happen again.

They also reacted sharply to rumors that the dark horse candidate planned to rename himself "Also Not George Bush," complaining that it would contain an illegal number of middle names and would be just plain silly.

Since the announcement, The Candidate No Longer Known As John Kerry has risen dramatically in the polls, gaining as much as four percentage points over Bush in just the past few days. Pundits and pollsters expect this momentum to last until the DNC convention in late July- or until Kerry speaks again.