WASHINGTON, D.C.- In recent weeks the 2004 Presidential campaign has become mired in controversy over what may or may not have transpired in the jungles of Southeast Asia thirty years ago. Partisans and pundits have picked apart every aspect of the whereabouts and behavior of each candidate, but still the complete story of this contentious period in American history has yet to be fully understood. In an effort to settle once and for all what really happened, the Federal Elections Commission has teemed up with a Baltimore-based Civil War group to reenact the Vietnam War in its entirety on the National Mall.

For the sake of expediency, the scale of the reenactment had to be reduced somewhat. Thursday's event took place in 1/1000 scale and at 800x speed and looked to many observers a great deal like a large-scale game of capture the flag.

The recreation began at dawn as a handful of American soldiers encountered Viet Cong hiding in a network of spider holes under the Washington Monument. Over the course of the morning, the holding area on the South end of the Mall for soldiers who had been tagged "out" grew more and more full. After only a few hours, organizers installed an airport-style people mover belt to facilitate the flow.

In an unfortunate turn of events, the real Senator John McCain was captured and taken prisoner as his limo sat in traffic adjacent to the Mall. Organizers admit that the incident could have been a result of the reenactment, but there have also been reports that the Arizona Senator is currently being held in a bamboo cage at GOP headquarters, softening him up prior to the Republican Convention next week. Either way, McCain's representatives have put out a call for the Senator's safe return.

In the middle of the afternoon, someone playing a young John Kerry arrived on the scene, casually snapped up a handful of medals, and immediately fled the scene.

Reporters who had attended the day-long event for the expressed purpose of seeing the Swift Boat incident first-hand came away with little new information. Some say they were distracted by all the action and missed it. Others simply blinked.

Much to the delight of DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe, members of Swift Boat Veterans for Truth were required to float in the reflecting pool as school children laid down covering fire with bee-bee guns and low-powered .22's.

The doings of another famous figure were also hard to see- if not impossible. The gentleman portraying George W. Bush never showed up. Some on the scene said they saw him but later admitted that they hadn't. Authorities later found the man doing keg stands at a nearby bar, a spoon hanging from his bleeding nose.

Strangely enough, all the official paperwork indicates that the Bush's surrogate never left the reenactment.

Dick Cheney spent most of the day just outside the "in-country" boundary, observing the event through a dense clump of branches. "Go USA," he would occasionally mutter too softly for anyone to notice him. "Peace with honor, everybody." Cheney later claimed to be guarding the shrubbery.

All the while, new people kept arriving, taking part for a few minutes and then strolling to the "out" zone which had already spilled out onto the surrounding streets, blocking traffic for several miles.

By late afternoon, the John Kerry reenactor had set up a folding table in front of the Lincoln memorial to complain of the ill treatment and unfairness he witnessed during his harrowing five and a half minutes of combat.

Meanwhile, the double for sixteen-year-old John Edwards was busy trying to get in the pants of a local girl behind the WWII memorial.

The historical accuracy of the event has been called into question- especially when a slow-talking Brooklyn man recaptured North Vietnam single-handedly in the final moments. Regardless of the bizarre outcome, participants remain hopeful that valuable lessons can be gleaned from the exercise.

When it was all over, reporters asked organizers what new insights or information had the reenactment uncovered. Whose account of the war was the most accurate? Who is lying now and who is telling the truth?

"I think we learned that Vietnam is an old wound," said FEC Chairman Bradley Smith. "And like any old wound, you need to keep picking at it. Keep opening it up over and over again and eventually you'll get gangrene and the limb or whatever will just fall off. No more wound. Problem solved."