COLUMBUS, OH- After more than a year of preparation and intense media coverage, the big day has finally arrived. People from all over the world, from foreign lands we have invaded and those we have yet to invade, will get a chance to marvel at the American system of democracy in action. In the swing states of Ohio, Florida, Arizona, and Wisconsin, citizens are flooding the polls to cast their Presidential lots as the rest of the country votes with specially-prepared stunt ballots.

"I'm just glad that I live in a country where I'm free to cast my placebo vote," said proud Californian Althea Thoon. "Thanks to the Electoral College, I can safely hand my vote over to someone I've never met from some town I've never heard of and trust that he or she will choose wisely. If only more countries had a system like ours."

Not only does American democracy lead to the best possible results, it also means added convenience in today's rush-rush world of soccer practices and E-bay auction deadlines.

"The best part is that I don't even have to vote if I don't want to," said Chad Hangsworth. "But for me, there's nothing like the thrill of taking my kids with me to issue my non-counting vote. They seem to get a kick out of it since, just like the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, they're still young and innocent enough believe in voting."

Often overlooked is the fact that voting in a swing state is an enormous civic responsibility. Those who aren't discouraged by bad weather or distracted by small shiny objects will shoulder the burden of picking a President while rest of us have all the fun of watching the results trickle in on television, eagerly awaiting word on whom voters in the designated states have selected to be our next Commander in Chief.

Voting is indeed serious business, a fact that has not been lost on this year's electors. According to recent surveys, swing voters have spent the past two months feeding on a steady diet of serious, issue-oriented news programs like The Daily Show, Crossfire, and Fox and Friends in preparation for the big day.

"Um, voting?" said one Ohio voter. "Yeah, I knew I was supposed to do something today, like, something important. Voting is today? I think I heard about that on the news. I'm undecided but leaning toward the Bush/Kerry ticket."

The pressure of deciding has become too much for some. A small number of minority voters in swing states have openly pined for the days when only white males were required to vote, but as everyone recognizes, it would be unfair to expect just one segment of the population to do the voting for everyone else.

As nice as it is of the swing states to take the pressure off the rest of us, voting, symbolic as it is, remains an important civic duty.

There are a handful of scenarios, however remote, that would entail the actual counting of stunt votes. For example, the Constitution clearly states that if the swing states are tied and the Supreme Court is unable to render a decision and the House and Senate cannot come to a consensus and the official Presidential coin flip lands on its edge, a random sampling of stunt votes will be used in a sudden-death count off to break the tie.

So, remember to vote, America. Vote with the care-free impunity of childhood knowing that you can never be held accountable for your choice because whoever we end up with running the country for the next four years, we have the brave and wise swing voters to thank for it.