NEW YORK, NY- Early Monday morning billionaire real estate tycoon Donald Trump and new wife Melania Knauss gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, but less than 24 hours after the blessed event, The Donald had decided to let the infant go.

"I just wasn't feeling it," said Trump. "I couldn't have gotten where I am today if I was afraid to say what's on my mind. It was pretty clear from the get-go that this just wasn't working out. After being alone with the child for just a few minutes, it was apparent to me that I would have to do that 'you're fired' thing with my hand that the American viewing public loves so much."

As one would expect of a sought-after business mentor, Trump gave the child several chances to make a good impression, but after a string of soiled diapers and a few unwanted tugs to Mr. Trump's delicate coiffure, he called Apprentice producer Mark Burnett to assemble the camera crew for his son's final send-off. The resulting footage is riveting television. In the board room sequence, the baby didn't even speak up for himself, a clear sign that the young contestant had already given up.

TRUMP: Care to explain your dismal performance in today's "quiet time" challenge?

BABY: ... mmph ...

TRUMP: You just lay there like a lump. I'm going to do you a favor and lay it out for you right here and now. You're a loss leader, kid. I see no equity here at all.

BABY: ... murphhhh. Gah?

CAROLYN: Oh, I think he's cute.

TRUMP: He's not cute. I know cute, and this kid is definitely not cute. He has no star power at all.

CAROLYN: Shh. I think he just fell asleep.

TRUMP: That tears it. He can't even commit to the project enough to stay awake? Little baby, you're fired.

Following the dismissal, sources say the child refused to leave, and Donald had to call security to escort the as-yet unnamed infant from the premises.

In retrospect, Trump says that he had a feeling from the outset that the new addition was not a good fit with the Trump brand. "He had a dazed, unfocused look in his eyes and the weakest handshake I've ever seen," said Trump. "He couldn't even hold up his own head. If a person can't look me in the eye, I just can't respect them. It's as simple as that."

Although details have not yet been hammered out, Trump says a nationwide search for a new child is in the works. If all goes well, he hopes to have a new tot selected in time to surprise his still-hospitalized wife who, sources now say, has not yet been informed of Monday's termination.

In the meantime, the youngest Apprentice reject in history is reportedly considering his options. Sources close to the show say Baby Trump is currently staying at Burnett's home until a more permanent living situation can be arranged.

"I'm really not sure what's going on," said Burnett. "Donald's people just dropped off this bassinet at my office without saying a word. I'm honestly not sure what I'm supposed to do- but all of this does give me an idea for my next multi-million-dollar reality show. Eight men and a baby- whoever wins the custody battle at the end of the season wins a fabulous cash prize. If you'll excuse me, I've got to make some calls."

Some in the media have chastised the mega-mogul for such harsh treatment of his new son, but Trump remains confident that in time most reasonable people will conclude that the decision was for the best.

"It would have been cruel to keep him around for nine or ten years and then fire him," said Trump. "It's even easier since he doesn't have a name yet. His new family can call him whatever they want- and he won't have to grow up with the sting of being a loser. He'll be in his early twenties before he figures that out."