LOS ANGELES, CA- This past Wednesday evening, America recoiled at the sight of 13-year-old Ashley Ferl screaming in Beatle-esque hysteria for famously crappy crooner Sanjaya Malakar. No less horrifying was the awkward hug that followed, causing Ferl to weep like, well, a 13-year-old girl.

Almost immediately, clues began to surface indicating that the incident might not have been perfectly genuine. By Thursday afternoon, a handful of audience members came forward with the claim that Ferl had actually been a plant, an allegation that, if true, could rock America's #1 televisual pastime to its very core.

Although participants in the rouse most likely thought it a harmless stunt, a cheap way to generate support for the affably tuneless singer, but in reality this is a very serious matter. If something isn't done soon to repair the show's shattered credibility, the nation's workforce might soon find themselves standing around the water-cooler with nothing to talk about.

In times of extreme crisis such as these, an anxious nation turns to its leaders for help. Heeding this silent call, Senators formed an ad-hoc committee to investigate the incident and issue dozens of subpoenas to key figures in the alleged fraud, including Ms. Ferl herself.

The first witnesses to testify laid out evidence of a long-running conspiracy to manipulate the outcome of the contest, Wednesday's weepy photo-op being only the most recent, and most patently obvious, example. The research appears to show that Malakar would not still be on the show at all if were not for a widespread Internet campaign encouraging viewers to vote for the worst possible candidates. In fact, this phenomenon might help to explain the outcomes of the last two Presidential elections.

Ferl arrived for her testimony sporting an American Idol T-shirt and a wide metallic grin, giddily holding up her hand and taking the oath.

"So, what do you think of testifying before Congress?" asked Sen. Henry Waxman (D. California). "We've got C-Span cameras, nameplates, the works. That water is for you, too. Drink up."

"Weeeeoooooo!" squealed Ferl,. "This is pretty much the best thing ever!"

"Well, it's important that you tell us the truth today, Ms. Ferl," said Sen. Joe Barton (R. Texas). "You are, I assume, aware that if you lie to Congress under oath you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and probably go to jail for a long time even though you're a minor."

"What?" Ferl replied, her eyes wide. "I'm going to jail? What did I- I didn't do anything- I just wanted to be on TV- my best friend said that you can't - waaaaaaa!"

Waxman and the other Democrats were clearly furious with Barton for upsetting her so, and they tried valiantly to reassure her that no one was trying to get her into any trouble. Yet, nothing they said or did managed to calm her down. Richard Lugar (R. Indiana) even broke into a few verses of "Your Are My Sunshine," but his singing only reminded her of Sanjaya and why she was there in the first place, worsening her crying jag.

"Why are you all being so mean?" she asked, her sobs sending torrents of tears and mucus all over the witness table. "I just want- I wanna go home!"

With that, Waxman called the hearing to a close and excused the star witness. In all the commotion, however, members of the committee completely forgot to ask her whether or not she was, in fact, a plant.