WASHINGTON, D.C.- As the War on Terror nears the dawn of its seventh year, Homeland Security officials warn of ominous gastrointestinal intelligence predicting horrific non-specific attacks in the very near future. This renewed vigilance has prompted a call for strict new security measures as well as a strategy for defeating Al Qaeda once and for all. On Monday, the Bush administration announced that it had devised a cunning plan to keep Americans safer than ever before: selling billions of dollars in high-tech arms to the country of origin for fifteen of the nineteen hijackers responsible for the bloodiest single terror attack in U.S. history.

"It's like the old saying goes," explained Bush. "'Keep your friends close and your enemies well armed.'"

Democrats have raised a stink over what they claim is a gross violation of national security interests, but strip away the rhetoric and knee-jerk objections and you will discover what amounts to a brilliant strategy.

By selling the implements of mass bloodshed directly to Arab states, the White House aims to eliminate Al Qaeda as a terror middle-man altogether and thereby render the notorious terror network irrelevant. Once America-hating governments have the tools to down jumbo jets and topple U.S. skyscrapers themselves, they would have no reason to clandestinely fund global terror. If the President's hunch is correct, his clever scheme could bleed Al Qaeda dry within five years.

"In-sourcing our terror activities gives us the flexibility to kill Americans the way we see fit," said King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud in an address to his subjects on Monday. "Not only that, we're passing the savings on to you- in the form of more dead Americans at the same price!"

Apart from the obvious national security benefits, there is also the political calculus to consider. For the GOP to win the White House and retake the legislature in 2008, they must demonstrate that, unlike their weak-willed conciliatory colleagues from across the aisle, Republicans are willing to take a tough stance on those who would do us harm- even if that means providing them with the means to do it.

"Attacking Americans with their own weapons has a poetic ring to it," said King Abdullah, "a bit like hacking off a man's arm and beating him to death with it. Hahaha, yes. Very entertaining."

Of course, it will be up to the Democrat-led Congress to approve the sale when it returns from summer recess, but administration sources say this hurdle should not present much of a problem. Some of the weaker-minded ones have, no doubt, already been duped by the hysterics of the alarmist media, but thankfully swarms of lobbyists have assembled in the Nation's capitol to educate lawmakers on the merits of the sale.

"All the research I've seen says that the Saudis are slightly less keen on killing Americans than the rest of the Arab world," said Boeing CEO W. James McNerney. "According to recent opinion polls, subjects of the Saudi kingdom would still like to see the deaths of many thousands of U.S. citizens but would rather someone else did the actual killing. So, relative to Iran, Saudi Arabia might as well be the fifty-first state."

If all goes well the bill approving the sale, tentatively titled The What Could Possibly Go Wrong Act of 2007, should receive fast-track approval in just a few weeks.