CRESCO, IOWA- More than six years have passed since that horrible September morning, and in that time Americans have been relatively safe from further attacks by the enemies of Freedom- until now. Late last week, reporters began to notice that Illinois Senator Barack Obama had stopped wearing his American flag lapel pin, the very same pin he'd been sporting since 9/11. Upon hearing of this, President Bush lashed out at Obama, claiming that the youthful Senator was essentially giving aid and comfort to the enemy.

Obama's campaign has shrugged off such criticism, but just hours after the news hit the AP wire, Al Qaeda mastermind Bin Laden issued a statement through Al Jazeera congratulating Obama for his decision. Bin Laden went on to say that he is very encouraged by the candidate's bare lapel and sees it as a sign that Americans are beginning to catch on to Al Qaeda's message.

Indeed, the enemies of Freedom are positively overjoyed that a major American political figure would switch sides in this dramatic way. Their glee has even spilled into the "Cheers and Jeers" section of this week's Arabic language TV Guide: Cheers to Obama for striking out at the infidel, and Jeers to the Western Imperialists- boo infidels!

Obama continues to explain his decision as a strike against the symbols of "false patriotism," but already experts are saying that this blatant dis of Old Glory ranks above Benedict Arnold on the list of greatest betrayals in American history.

"You think you know a guy and then he pulls something like this and shows his true colors," said Sen. John McCain (R. Arizona). "Now I finally understand what he means when he says 'politics of hope' as in 'hope we lose the war in Iraq and are overrun be Islamic fascists because that would just be super.' I think we know what side he's really pulling for. It finally makes sense that he opposed the war in Iraq from the beginning. That must be where he takes his orders."

In response to the controversy, Republican candidate Mitt Romney has taken to wearing two while challenger Rudy Giuliani has begun wearing a series of flag pins shaped like the twin towers of the World Trade Center.

"Who does he think he is?" asked Giuliani. "It's like he's trying to ingratiate himself with the 'screw America' crowd in the Democratic party by taking a giant poop all over everything America stands for- i.e. tiny flags. I, for one, will not stand for it."

Obama continues to assert that wearing or not wearing the flag comes down to a matter of personal choice and the quintessentially American notion of freedom of expression.

"That's the problem right there," said conservative Iowa voter Anita Baath. "If people are just going to abuse the privilege by not choosing to express themselves as others do, then perhaps we should suspend it. It's bad apples like Barack Obama who make it so we can't have nice things."

More than the implications for the War on Terror, Obama's choice to shun the symbol of the nation he hoped to run some day demonstrates a dumbfounding lack of political horse sense.

"I think this incident lends more weight to the idea that Barack simply lacks the experience to blindly follow the advice of his pollsters and advisers like any good President should," said New York Senator Hillary Clinton, her own bejeweled flag pin twinkling under the studio lights. "If he can't follow proper protocol when it comes to hollow and meaningless gestures of patriotism, how can we expect him to compromise and conform on the really important issues like prayer in school and flag burning. America deserves better."

...unless it works for him, of course. Clinton campaign manager Patti Solis Doyle later admitted that if Obama's approach leads to even a minor bump in the polls, the New York Senator will destroy her pin on national television.