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>>Friday May 02, 2008
BREAKING NEWS: Obama's Butcher a Holocaust Denier

CHICAGO, IL- Barack Obama's recent string of bad luck is about to get worse. After some digging, The New York Daily News has discovered that Herbert Polaski, butcher at the grocery store near Obama's Chicago home, has posted several anti-Semitic comments on the Internet and may have also attended a Holocaust deniers conference in 2002.

Supporters say they are shocked and disheartened to learn that the man who has sliced this would-be President's meat and ground his sausage for more than twelve years harbors such deep hatred for the Jewish people. Even more damaging, it has now come to light that Obama was aware of these beliefs all along and still patronized the grocery store for eight years, purchasing untold quantities of shaved ham and honey roasted turkey from the man.

Following the conference, Polaski was apparently quite fired up about his theories and told Obama of his beliefs one Sunday afternoon. In a single stream-of-consciousness rant, Polaski decried the state of Israel as well as the "Jewish cabal" whom he believes runs the world's banking system as well as the American entertainment industry.

"Wow, that's pretty messed up," Obama allegedly replied. "I'll take a pound of ground beef and two pork chops, as lean as you can get them."

A smart politician would get out in front of this and defuse the controversy as quickly as possible. But Obama has thus far refused to publicly denounce the man and his beliefs or even acknowledge "butchergate" as a genuine scandal, telling one reporter "you're going to have to try harder" when asked for a sound-bite for the evening news cycle.

At a rally in Indiana on Thursday, Democratic rival Hillary Clinton pleaded with Obama to sever this relationship with Polaski for the sake of the party.

"My opponent is destroying himself with the careless way he chooses the company he keeps," said Clinton. "Should we expect an Obama cabinet filled with people who don't believe that 9/11 happened? Will he appoint someone to head NASA who thinks the moon landing took place on a Hollywood sound-stage?"

In the midst of the media frenzy, the Obama campaign released a statement indicating that the Illinois Senator no longer shops at the grocery store in question and has not had any contact with Mr. Polaski in more than a year. Unfortunately for the current Presidential front-runner, this has not been enough to satisfy the voracious cadre of cable news pundits who will, no doubt, spend the next several months talking about Polaski's beliefs.

"He didn't go anywhere near far enough in distancing himself from Polaski," said CNN's Lou Dobbs. "Naturally, I'd say that no matter what he did or said. I won't be satisfied until he stabs the man to death on national television. Until then, I think we're all obliged to assume that Polaski speaks for Obama. So, America has to ask itself- can we really afford a President who subscribes to extremist, hateful views?"

Meanwhile, Obama's staff has scheduled a major press conference on Saturday in Indianapolis. Though the theme of the event is still a secret inside the campaign, Obama has said explicitly that its purpose will not be to publicly denounce his former butcher, fueling rumors that he may pull out of the race before Tuesday's primaries.

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  Rating (5 votes):
5 votes (Avg. 4.00)

Comments (7)Post Comment
swish  (621 Days Ago)
Obama is not a very smart man. His lack of bringing out all these terrible comments by people he sees regularly shows he lacks the integrity to lead this great country!

nogarumph  (622 Days Ago)
Got the Zot.

KansasGirl  (622 Days Ago)
kennedy, you might be a republican, but you are no conservative. There is nothing "faithful" about Hussein, except his deception.

kas  (648 Days Ago)
I like to lick my own butt with my scratchy cat-like toungue.

 Michael Adderley  (648 Days Ago)
The "Greatest Country in the World" now require their leaders to vet their butcher. Is that news worthy? I guess if CNN could have a very "Bitter" old man like Lou Dobbs on prime time, then anything is possible.

Jay Berg  (648 Days Ago)
Dirty politics, It says more about Clinton than Obama.

 kennedy  (648 Days Ago)
iam arepublican but this is bulls***, obama is the most faithfull politician ever

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