EDWARDS AFFAIR SHOCKER: SHE'S NOT THAT HOT

WASHINGTON, D.C.- Former Vice Presidential nominee John Edwards stands on the brink of losing everything - his marriage, his chances for the VP nomination, even his Senate seat - and once again it all comes down to poor judgement. The National Enquirer has published allegations of an illicit affair with Rielle Hunter and subsequent pregnancy- all while his wife recovers from a second bout with breast cancer.

At the core of Edwards' troubles is that Hunter is just not that hot. Photos chosen to accompany the original story were dumpy, even downright haggish. Chalk that up to sensationalism or bias if you like, but the fact remains that the unattractive, disheveled cat is now out of the bag. The world is now aware that John Edwards valued his family and political career so little that he was willing to risk them both on the affections of a woman who constantly looks as though she's smelling something putrid, leaving the public to assume that she is the most likely source of the odor.

That is simply not Vice Presidential.

This is the same reason why Americans became so angry with Bill Clinton during his final years in office. It wasn't that he lied in a court of law about his affair with Monica Lewinsky. It wasn't that he coaxed public servants into doing the lying for him, either. If Monica were fifty pounds lighter and required fewer than five beers to make her look pretty, then perhaps the public would have been willing to look the other way. But Clinton was one of the most powerful men in the world, well-liked, and not at all ugly. The problem was that he chose the sort of desperate young woman we've all encountered at the local bar at closing time, horny, homely, and emotionally damaged- the sort of female companionship that even an ugly man could score that but would have the sense to pass up.

So, it was a terrible shock to learn that America's Commander in Chief, the symbol of American virility, was slumming in this way. He could have been hottubbing with Playboy bunnies or boinking Hollywood starlets on the Presidential yacht JFK-style, but sad truth was that in the back of his mind he figured that Lewinsky was the best he could do. The episode was so particularly painful because it forced citizens to confront the uncomfortable notion that Clinton set his sights so low due to lack of confidence, a painful recognition that his sex appeal, much like the country he governed, is not what it once was.

Though Edwards is nowhere near as powerful or famous as Clinton, he is easily twice as handsome. For a man of Edwards' status and panty-melting charm, there is simply no excuse for this.

"I have to say that I'm deeply disappointed in John," said MSNBC'S Chris Matthews. "I've had a totally not-gay mancrush on John Edwards since 2004, so I hate to see him sink to this level. At least Gary Hart had the good taste land a hot piece of ass like Donna Rice. This Hunter broad looks like she's been run over by a car or something. It's just sad."

Since the news broke last week, more than a dozen super-models and beauty pageant winners have come forward to confess their unrequited affections for Edwards. All he had to do was call, and he could have sewn his wild oats in a manner the public would accept. Yet, he failed to think it through. If this terrible, potentially career-ending news item teaches us anything it is that we should expect more from our elected officials. To America's politicians, you can and should do better. We know that you won't bring universal healthcare, secure the nation's borders or cut taxes, but the least you can do is have sex with attractive people to bring bolster national pride.

There is a silver lining to all of this, however. News of the affair and the so-called "love child" that resulted from it go a long way in convincing the public that Edwards in, in fact, a heterosexual.

(13 Votes)