ALBUQUERQUE, NM- In this critical final week before the election, both campaigns are working hard to "close the sale" with undecided voters. For Sen. John McCain, this means trying to get Americans to imagine what the country would be like under his leadership. In a speech over the weekend, the Arizona Senator reassured the crowd that a McCain administration would be just as smooth, efficient, and unified as the McCain campaign itself.

"My friends, I'm very proud of my campaign," said McCain with an awkward grin. "We've run a very positive, issues-oriented campaign, and I think voters are responding to that. That must be why we're only 12 points behind."

With victory in his sights, McCain now says that his highest priority will be to find a way to maintain the winning attitude of his campaign after taking control of the White House. To that end, McCain has promised to offer high-level jobs to those around him who have helped make his remarkable success possible.

"This is what effective leaders do," said McCain. "We identify people's talents and put them to good use. As a matter of fact, I've already done this to some degree on my campaign. When I met Steve Schmidt, people said he was incompetent, vindictive, and maybe even mildly retarded, but I saw something in him and put him in charge of day-to-day operations on my campaign. And Steve tells me that I've never regretted that decision for a single moment."

The candidate's own brother Joe McCain will become the next head of FEMA where he can exercise his love of the 9-1-1 emergency telephone system. In addition, Ashley Todd, who stole the country's heart on Friday with her adorable attempt to stage a politically motivated hate crime, will join the administration as deputy director of homeland security- to help keep an vigilant eye out for 6'4" black men.

Last but by no means least, Rep. Michelle Bachman will serve in new cabinet level post, Secretary of Patriotism, to help the new administration weed out domestic terrorists, anti-GOP dissidents, and their friends. The creation of this department, tasked with separating pro-American people from non-pro-Americans, will be the centerpiece of a potential McCain administration. It will be up to Bachman and her hand-picked staff to set up the much-needed extra-judicial court system and run the many reeducation camps that will be needed to produce a unified and patriotic America.

And yet, great ideas like this should come as no surprise to those who have been following the Senator's two year quest for the White House. As McCain explained to a crowd in New Mexico, his administration will take the best aspects of his campaign and incorporate them into a new and extremely mavericky style of leadership- a bit like a greatest hits record, complete with cheesy remixes and disappointing new material.

A McCain Presidency would be just as exciting and unpredictable as his campaign. Just imagine how thrilling it could be: declaring random wars based on McCain's own tempestuous mood, picking spectacularly unqualified people to run major federal agencies, and announcing a new policy directions every other week.

As for the economy, a primary issue on the minds of most voters this year, he believes that it would benefit greatly from the McCain touch. The candidate has promised to transform the nation's multifaceted financial system into something resembling his own dynamic campaign- marked by overspending, unpaid debts, and massive job losses in November.