WASHINGTON, D.C.- Everywhere it seems, people are counting down to the inauguration of President Elect Barack Obama- not just for the man himself but also for the new policies that will restore a sense of hope and rehabilitate America's standing in the international community. And yet some of his ideas, specifically his decision to close down the controversial detention camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, could have disastrous consequences. Speaking strictly from an economic standpoint, critics argue that such a move would be utterly irresponsible at a time like this, eliminating thousands of jobs and turning hundreds of detainees out on the street with no place to stay.

"He ran on a promise to generate jobs and heal the nation," complained one Guantanamo worker, "but now he wants to curtail the fastest growing sector of the American labor market at a time when the economy is cratering all around us. And why? Just because it runs counter to the country's founding principles and has slowly turned us into the enemy we're supposedly fighting? You've got to be kidding me."

Apparently the new administration's primary problem with the facility is that the lion's share of the inmates. many of whom have been held there since the 2001 invasion of Afghanistan, may not have done anything to warrant their detainment in the first place. With that in mind, Obama wants to empty the prison regardless of testimony from wildlife experts that, after spending seven years getting used to this tropical paradise, these men would never be able to survive on their own. To do so would be cruel, say top level Bush administration officials. Besides, the freed prisoners would be likely to say unkind things about us when we're not in the room to defend ourselves.

"Who's going to think of the detainees?" asked Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R- KY). "Obama wants to leave them out in the cold with no roof over their heads. Well, technically speaking they live in open-air cages now, but what I'm saying is that Obama wants to put them out on the street and leave them cageless."

Obama also wants to ban all forms of torture from CIA and Pentagon interrogations. Again, that may sound great for people who care about principles, but for the thousands of folks who spent a year of their life attending night school to earn their torture certification, this is not good news at all.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," said laid-off auto plant worker "I sank everything I had into getting my torture degree and what's it worth now? I guess I could always move to Singapore or Zimbabwe. I hear they torture the crap out of people over there."

As if that weren't enough, Obama wants to end the stop-loss policy that has dramatically extended the overseas tours of thousands of military enlisted men and women. Now these brave souls, who have given so much in service to their country, will have to return to the U.S. and learn that their jobs no longer exist and that their homes were foreclosed upon months ago. They can look forward to a life of bitterness, rampant alcoholism, and domestic abuse. By what stretch of the imagination is that better for America's military families? Iraq may be a dangerous and unwelcoming place for American armed forces, but at least they've got steady employment, three square meals a day, and a government issued firearm.

Desperate and out of options, counter-terrorism workers filed a formal request with Capitol Hill on Monday for a ten trillion dollar bailout (figure expressed in Pentagon dollars) in order to keep Guantanamo Bay running for a few more years. Hopefully by then the terror industry could be in high gear once again. However, even if Congress acts, it may already be too late. In just a few months, soldiers will begin returning from Iraq, and Guantanamo's Camp X-Ray will be a memory. Rumor has it that Obama is planning to move the entire detainment camp and its jobs to the low-wage, human-rights-free country of Mexico. By way of denial Obama treated reporters to his rendition of Dylan's "It Ain't Me, Babe." Those who saw it said that it was extraordinary.