There is no surer way to come off like the smartest person in the room than to make some unsolicited assertion about words and how people use them. The only possible topper would be to take your glasses off dramatically in the middle of an important meeting (people so rarely get a chance to do that and when that golden opportunity does come their way, they often don't realize it until hours later when rapid spectacle removal would do no good at all), but that's beside the point.

First off, I should probably disclaim that your aunt Edna who left beauty school just twelve credits shy of graduation is more qualified to chop on your mop than I am to pontificate about language, but chances are you don't actually have an aunt named Edna. So, eat me.

The spot behind the religious school where they keep the swing-sets & monkey-bars should be called the "prayground."

Now, that might not work with most parochial schools. For example, if your school has a library with more than five books or teaches science in any way, then the patch of ground where the kids hang out at recess is probably a playground. On the other hand, if the school spends more time singing songs about the rapture than studying math, then it's definitely a prayground. In addition, if your religious school is run by a reverend with a pronounced speech impediment, the it's a sprayground.

More than just a common misspelling, "Rejoyce" is a word for when your English teacher makes you read Dubliners for a second time. "Oh, crap. It's Joyce again. We're being rejoyced."

A "honkytonk" is a country bar. A "honkytank," on the other hand, is a homemade killdozer driven by a mentally imbalanced caucasian.

Example: "The laid-off auto worker drove his honkytank through his neighborhood and then shot himself before police captured him. The news story so inspired the people of his hometown that folks dedicated a new line dance in his memory down at the honkytonk. I haven't seen it, but people say it's very moving."

I really hate the term "white slavery" because it seems to imply that it's perfectly fine to enslave non-white people.

Co-Worker 1: Did you hear about where Jim ended up after he quit last year?

Co-Worker 2: No.

Co-Worker 1: He's gotten involved in the slave trade

Co-Worker 2: Wow. Good for him. I hear there's good money to be had in the slave trade.

Co-Worker 1: But here's the kicker: it's white slavery.

Co-Worker 2: Enslaving white people? Wow, that's fucked up.

Co-Worker 1: I know. It's horrific. Now, what are we going to do with the rest of this lunch hour?

Co-Worker 2: Let's go burn down a church.

Co-Worker 1: I'm in!

It seems to me to be one of the greatest injustices of the English language that the word "palindrome" is not itself a palindrome.

Meanwhile, the word "racecar" is. It's a complete mismatch and makes no sense al all. The only way to rectify the situation is to switch the word usage somehow. I'm not sure what paperwork needs to be filed in order to make this happen officially, but we should get on this immediately.

Describing a word as a racecar would immediately conjure up the notion of a symmetrical collection of letters. Palindrome? That sounds too much like velodrome which connotes what? Racing! "Palindrome" sounds like an old-fashioned word relating to a fast-moving contraption, a bit like steampunk NASCAR. Vroom! Here come the palindromes at the second running of the Indianapolis 500. at a blistering 25 miles per hour!