Opposing a Supreme Court nominee is hard, especially if you're not quite sure why you're opposing her. When President Obama announced his selection of federal appeals judge Sonia Sotomayor for the Supreme Court, activists on the Right sprang into action, rushing out to the cable news talk shows with no idea what to say or why they were saying it. That's the great thing about the New Republican Party. Instead of the boring top-down message discipline of the past, everybody just goes out there and does their own thing, making up facts, handling snakes, and speaking in tongues. It may not be quite as effective as the old way, but it certainly makes for great TV.

For Sotomayor, the primary sticking point will almost certainly be abortion abortion abortion, an issue so important, so vital to the country's survival, that it must be said three times every time it is mentioned. Although Judge Sotomayor has made no actual rulings or delivered strong public opinions on abortion abortion abortion, her apparent open-mindedness on the matter has only served to anger pro-life activists even more than if she had. Thankfully, American political discourse has matured to the point where we can debate the issues honestly by holding up placards with adorable Anne Geddes photographs and chucking plastic fetuses at passing cars. God bless America- and by "God" I mean my God not your god. Disqualified.

During her last confirmation hearing she said "I don't believe we should bend the Constitution under any circumstance." Under most circumstances, this sort of strict interpretation of the Constitution would be a good sign, but since this is an Obama nominee the comment is cause for concern. Disqualified.

The only positive thing conservatives have to say about Sotomayor is that, as a lady, the federal government only has to pay her 3/4 of what they pay the male judges. That's a savings for the American taxpayer. On the other hand, having a uterus increases the likelihood that she will want to grant it civl rights- a total deal-breaker. Disqualified.

All of this pales in comparison to the Big One, a powerful revelation that, activists say, could nullify Sotomayor's nomination even before confirmation hearings begin. Sonia Sotomayor has diabetes, a condition that will almost certainly affect her decisions on the bench. Questions abound (on various right-wing websites) regarding her ability to remain impartial during the hours after lunch when she is in a glucose-weakened state. Double disqualified.

Can the country really place the fate of our Constitution in the hands of someone who can't even regulate her own blood sugar? It is truly amazing to think that Obama's selection team failed to vet her insulin dependency. It's tantamount to nominating a heroin addict for a lifetime appointment to the nation's highest court.

America can do better, they say. Thousands (several dozen of them actual people) have signed an online petition demanding that the President to go back to the drawing board and return with a justice with a fully-functioning pancreas.