I usually hate it when people refer to the health reform effort "Obamacare." First off, he's had such a hands-off approach to the process that it has nothing to do with him. Besides, he wasn't in the Senate long enough to get any actual law-passing experience, anyway. However, over time the glob of compromises moving through Congress has begun to earn that label as it continues to morph into the image of its namesake. In a few weeks, something Democrats will disingenuously classify as "healthcare reform" will pass both houses of Congress and it will be November 4, 2008 all over again. Choruses of "Yay, we did it!" will rise up from the populace and quickly turn into "oh crap, we did it" and eventually settle into "meh, nothing's actually changed."

This familiar progression from hysteria to panic to resigned malaise, dubbed the "Obama Curve" by amateur sociologists, took an awful toll on Americans the first time around. Millions of people who celebrated and wept (with joy) on election night then spent the next several months in denial and private anguish. Now that they've gone through the stages of grief and healing, it seems that fate is ready to hit them once again, this time with health reform. The disappointment is inevitable, some say. At least this time we know it's coming and that fact alone should cushion the blow somewhat.

"I'll be able to tell my grandkids that we passed 'health reform,'" said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "And, sure, maybe I'll be legally obligated to use air quotes when I say that, but it's better than nothing. Isn't it? Right?"

But these are not the sort of people who would let a silly technicality like the lack of any real results get them down. Democrats have always had a talent for looking on the bright side, seeing the glass as half full even when there is no water in the glass or a glass at all.

"I'm super psyched," said one ardent Obama supporter. "This is going to change everything- in a really subtle and hard to detect way. It's like waking up on New Years Day and even though everything looks the same, everything is new! You have to start writing a whole new year on all your checks!"

Millions of people uninsured, a system on the verge of collapse, and an oligarchy of insurers holding the strings to the entire puppet show; the only real difference between one point in time and another is a vast cavity where once rested the political capital of President Barack Obama. Critics on the left and right can complain all they want, but one thing is for certain: America has moved one step forward on the treadmill of progress.

"New boss same as the old boss?" she continued. "Hey, you got a new boss! That sounds exciting and awesome!"

The changes "health reform" will bring will be so subtle, in fact, that citizens will be issued special rose-tinted glasses to help bring them out. To that end, the House and Senate are now hard at work on a bill that would create a new multi-billion dollar government agency to produce and distribute them.