Senate Candidate Sharron Angle can't catch a break when it comes to the press. It seems like whenever she opens her mouth to say something bizarre or embarrassing, there they are with their cameras and pencils ready to record it all. Worse still, her tormentors spend days on end repeating her words out of context- or worse, in context. It's so unfair.

On Thursday Angle held a press conference and who should happen to show up but (you guessed it) the press. Typical. She said very bluntly that she didn't want them there and that they weren't welcome but they just wouldn't leave her alone. She refused to answer their annoying questions but that wasn't enough to shake the horde of stalkers. So, she did what any rational person would do when faced with a dozen or so invited guests. She ran from them. But even as she fled for her life, they pursued her, eager for one more combustable quote or perhaps a lock of her hair.

By now it's clear to anyone with a brain that the press is out to get Sharron Angle, and it's only a matter of time before their undeniable obsession with her ends in violence.

But rather than sit around and wait for the threat to come to her, this plucky candidate is doing something about it. Sharron Angle filed paperwork this week to officially petition a court to award her a restraining order against every member of the mainstream press. When she dropped the thing off in Reno, it was quite a document, some fifteen inches thick. Her staff was up all night copying and pasting names from the staff pages of every newspaper and cable news network in the country.

If granted, the legal order would require any journalist not affiliated with Fox News to remain at least 500 feet away from Angle at all times. Hey, you might be thinking, she's moving around all the time, how can they possibly avoid her? Well, they have it all figured out. Angle's crack campaign staff have will be providing everyone with a detailed itinerary of her campaign stops so they know precisely where not to be and when not to be there. Problem solved.

"Without the prying eyes of the press around I can breathe a sigh of releif," Angle said to an empty hotel ballroom. "Now I can get back to the serious business of serving the people- and by 'the people' I mean the voices in my head."

A few hours later, Angle's office received a mysterious envelope. After having the document fumigated and checked chemical and biological weapons (Angle is well known for her deep distrust of the written word) she had her designated test reader to decipher the message. It turned out to be a hand-written thank you letter from Harry Reid, now the second-most reviled person running for Senate in Arizona. They all had a good laugh over the incident.

Realizing that the moment would have made for a good column had any reporters had been around to cover it, Angle's staff then called every reporter they could find to tell them to run a story but apparently it doesn't work that way.