TORA BORA, AFGHANISTAN- Now that the dust has begun to clear over the Afghan landscape and the danger factor has reduced considerably, the situation has finally become ripe for Tabloid-journalist-turned-tabloid-talk show-host-turned-regular-talk-show-host-turned-journalist Geraldo Rivera to begin working there.

Rivera specializes in exposing the gritty realities of cleaning up after a relatively unopposed military effort. Following military janitors as they stack up folding chairs and break down press tents, Rivera gets the whole story. During a recent live report, the Super-journalist announced plans for his next news special: Inside Osama's Vaults.

As American Special Forces continue their hunt for terror mastermind Osama [Foxspeak: Usama] Bin Laden, intelligence sources indicate that he may be holed up in a subterranean mountain hideout in the Tora Bora region. The plan is to show up with a live feed just as Americans dynamite the front door. At that point Rivera will rush in and begin digging through the Taliban's personal items as military personnel open fire.

"I cannot guarantee that this expedition will bear any fruit," said Rivera. "All I can say for sure is that we will have a couple of damn entertaining television."

The Osama's Vaults project is a natural sequel to his 1981 vault-opening project for ABC. During the two hour broadcast, the highly respected journalist pulled several historically relevant objects like unused mason jars and really, really old dust from the vaults directly under Al Capone's 1920's hideout.

Fox executives expect great results from this outing. Although they have hopes for blockbuster items like nuclear weapons manuals and World Trade Center blueprints, even a pair of soiled Taliban underwear would make the project worth the effort and expense.

The self-declared sex symbol decided to switch networks and take up rough-and-tumble field reporting after CNBC decided to send rival talk show host Charles Grodin instead. Sources close to Rivera say that the sting of it is still with him.

"I wanted to be a journalist again," he told reporters [which is odd since he's not supposed to be the story.]. "Besides, I think I'm finally done talking about OJ."

The Fox News Channel news ticker was all a-twitter over the weekend, reporting the near-death experience for the "award"-winning journalist. Rivera was so close to the fighting, sources say, that one of his assistants just missed getting shot. Reporters later learned that Rivera issues a press release every time a bullet is fired within earshot.

According to federal crime statistics, shots are fired every fifteen minutes just outside his former CNBC studios in Fort Lee, New Jersey.

Following Rivera's lead, fellow talk show host Jerry Springer plans to begin broadcasting from the Afghan capital of Kabul after the first of the year.