CHICAGO, ILLINOIS- With all the industry buzz and fan frenzy surrounding the release of the long-awaited Neverwinter Nights, it seems as though the title can do no wrong. However, Charles "Chuck" BoBuck, new media reviewer for Sleazy Rider Magazine, is not so happy. He alleges that the title, clearly marketed as "adult entertainment" contains no actual "adult" content.

His review contains the following warning in the lead paragraph:

"The chick in the low-cut platemail does not peel. Repeat: the babe on the save/load screen does NOT peel."

But to be fair to Bioware and Atari, the game does feature the kind of dog-slow dialogue and uncomfortable pacing typical of many adult films. The plot lines are somewhat flat and predictable, and the music [mostly Samba 2 on a Casio SK8] sounded cheap and out of place.

All of this lead BoBuck to believe that the game was just about to lead into a foray of promiscuity, and yet no sexual encounters took place. Even the brothel [placed prominently on the game's main map] garnered little more than a string of painful and repetitive conversations.

The game's primary flaw, wrote BoBuck, is its failure to live up to its potential. "Sadly, Neverwinter Nights falls flat for the same reason Baywatch Nights failed: it refused to deliver the on the adult entertainment implied in its name."

BoBuck was also disappointed that the long-promised 'multiplayer' option [with all the Eyes Wide Shut hijinx that implies] added no sexual content to the game. "In spite of the addition of something called a 'Dungeon Master,' no actual sadomasochistic activity occurred."

Oddly enough, BoBuck found the character creation process [painful for many first time RPG fans] his favorite part of the game. He felt the ability to choose your own race, gender, and facial features would appeal to xenophiles and other fetishists [not to mention all that leather].

Neverwinter Nights characters can also choose from several 'classes' or character types such as wizards, fighters, or paladins. "I decided against cleric since I'm not into that kind of thing. Because I am a romantic at heart, I felt compelled to choose 'Rogue.' How can a game that lets you take on the role of a bodice-ripping hero from a cheap romance novel skimp on the boobies? It boggles the mind."

In the end, BoBuck's anger about the game came down to a basic issue of consumer protection. He simply didn't want some other slob wasting $60 and countless hours in front of a computer with nothing to show for it as the game continues to lead players on.

"If, just like its Hasselhoff-produced cousin, Neverwinter Nights is supposed to be the hip, after-hours version of the original, I can only imagine how slow and boring plain old Neverwinter must be."