VASTERAS, SWEEDEN- When Swedish officials arrested Tunisian-born Kerim Chatty attempting to smuggle weapons on board a Boeing 737 in an apparent hijacking attempt, they were not at all surprised to find him carrying a worn VHS copy of Taxi Driver and a letter to Ms. Jodie Foster. To add considerable insult to injury, however, the Academy Award winning actress says that the failed plot to ram a commercial jet into the American embassy in Stockholm did not impress her.

Coming so near the anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, many believe that Chatty wanted to secure media attention before 9/11 drew nearer and someone beat him to it.

Several plots dedicated to various actresses had made the rounds in recent months via the Internet: poisoning the mayor's lawn for Uma Thurman; blowing up a mailbox for Julianne Moore; thoroughly egging an office building for Patricia Arquette.

Sources say that when Chatty received word a few weeks ago that an Algerian man was planning to drive a Yugo into a Phoenix, Arizona Denny's to make inroads with Christina Ricci, he decided to rush his plan into effect.

Chatty may have been planning the hijacking for some time, even going so far as to attend flight school in South Carolina. However, even this incredible level of commitment and singular focus was not enough to impress the star of The Panic Room.

Ineed, Foster says Chatty's ignorance of airport security procedures and inadequate backup plan left her feeling cold and empty. Chief among her objections was Chatty's complete lack of originality.

"This guy has no vision whatsoever," complained Foster. "Hello? Didn't someone do this a year ago? And why not at least have the class to try it on the one year anniversary or something."

Foster, whose sexual preference is a matter of public record, says that a relationship between herself and the 29-year-old Chatty would never work out, anyway, since she is a Scorpio and he is a Sagittarius.

["Nell tata," indeed.]

Foster expressed her great disappointment in the current crop of sociopathic suitors. It seems that, though they are all quick to claim her as their muse, not a single one of them has shown her any success.

"They're all just a bunch of losers," said Foster. "If you think that making a half-assed attempt to assassinate some public official or hold the world hostage will make me happy, it won't. And if I'm not very much mistaken, Ronald Reagan is still alive."

A Swedish court may decide as soon as next week whether the would-be terrorist will spend the next four years or four decades behind bars. In spite of the current setback, Chatty says he plans to mount another attempt as soon as possible.

After attending a few night classes at a local community college, Chatty believes he has gained enough technical knowledge in biology to begin mailing out envelopes containing the Streptococcus virus very soon.