REDWOOD CITY, CA- Since its launch in November, The Sims Online has shot straight to the top of the top seller lists, leaving a trail of broken families and shattered lives in its path. The game where players control a number of virtual humans has ensnared thousands of real people in its mind-numbing web. All the while Electronic Arts, the game's maker, continues to maintain that the ceaseless, pixel-pushing drudgery of The Sims Online is nothing more than a fun escape from the very real drudgery of everyday life. Still, the Federal Trade Commission is looking into allegations that the game is "dangerous and addictive," and several consumer advocates have called for the title to be banned.

Last month Electronic Arts CEO Larry Probst testified before a Congressional committee that The Sims is not addictive and that such a notion is, in his words "dunder-headed." However, the story didn't end there. Last week, a leaked memo from deep within EA indicated that the company has known for years just how addictive the game really is and that it actually designed The Sims Online to enhance the addictive nature of their product.

Once this came to light, EA executives were again called before Congress and threatened with purgery charges. Probst denied that The Sims Online is habit-forming and then went on to deny his previous testimony. Committee members reminded the executive that we was under oath and not to be so defensive.

"I wouldn't characterize my statements as defensive, Mr. Congressman," Probst told the committee. "With all due respect, I submit that your behavior has been more than a little antagonistic."

As the debate over Sims Addiction rages on, the effects of the disorder can be seen everywhere. Some at the Centers for Disease Control are seriously thinking of classifying it as an epidemic.

Todd Harpum, a counselor at an area behavioral rehabilitation center, says he has seen over a hundred patients in the past month, all suffering from Sims Addiction. "We had a similar event during the Tetris outbreak of the late 80's. This looks several times worse."

Though some may dismiss it, Sims addiction is as real as any other physical dependency. The periods of lost time and obsessive behaviors associated with problem Simming can affect work, home, and family life.

Bob Rollo, owner of Rollo's Bar & Grill, says he is concerned for his business. This year's numbers are far lower than the usual post-holiday traffic and Rollo blames the game for encouraging people not to leave their homes.

Health experts point to statistics for the period immediately following the online game's release and predict a baby bust in the fall of 2003 owing to the fact that so many people have lost their interest in interaction with fleshy humans in favor of pixel-based ones. In short, people have stopped having sex.

"The issue of whether EA lied to Congress about Sims Addiction is nothing more than a distraction," argues consumer advocate Ralph Nader. "What we really need is a way to help people quit."

Several companies have offered to manufacture dongle devices to automatically quit the game after a predetermined amount of time: first three hours, then two, then one. Proponents of the system say that within a few weeks, a player could become completely free of Sims cravings.

Unfortunately, several Sims addicts in the test group simply went out and bought new computers. As if that weren't enough, Electronic Arts claimed that the after-market products violated the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and had the dongle makers hanged.

On Monday GlaxoSmithKilne announced that a Sims cessation aid is in the pipeline and should be on store shelves by the fall. The product, which will likely come in the form of a skin-adhesive patch, will slowly release a feeling of belonging and God-like power throughout the day.

However, officials at the FDA are concerned that the patch itself may become far more dangerous and addictive than the game itself.