BAGHDAD, IRAQ- Thanks to the proactive efforts of President George W. Bush, the people of Iraq are finally rid of the brutal regime that held the country hostage for more than two blood-soaked decades. However, Saddam Hussein's visage still haunts them on the back of every Dinar they earn or spend. That will all change next week as the crisp new Dinar notes come into circulation. Not only does the new currency sport a more appropriate design, it also boasts the added feature of being worth only a fraction of the paper on which they are printed.

News of the move generated a great deal of enthusiasm among the populace. The ever-grinning people of Iraq just can't seem to get enough of their Western liberators. "Everything's been so much better since the Americans arrived," said one happy Iraqi teenager. "I love you guys." The smiling young man then drove his moped down the street and promptly blew himself up in front of an army checkpoint.

Provisional Authority Chief Paul Bremmer was thrilled to unveil the new bills at a press conference on Tuesday. "We may not have been able to find the guy," said Bremmer, "but at least he's no longer on your money."

According to the designers, the new currency also contains a new and innovative security feature to thwart counterfeiters: its value is so low as to make it pointless, even unprofitable, to copy.

The new notes could not have come at a more opportune time. With colder weather settling in over much of the country, prices for firewood have risen sharply. While an average chord of dry tinder costs roughly two wheelbarrow-fulls of cash, many Iraqis are finding that that a much smaller mound of 250 Dinar notes makes for a warm and relatively inexpensive fire.

Iraqis appear to be taking their recent hardships in stride, grateful to have been liberated from such creature comforts as electricity, running water, and law enforcement. "Who needs an economy when you are surrounded by the people you love?" said one unemployed Iraqi man. "Besides, money can't buy you happiness. It's not like Dinars can buy shit these days, anyway."

Movers and shakers at the Bat-shit Crazy Currency Exchange are reportedly quite excited about the new notes. On an average day, the Dinar trades at about .03 American cents. This move could force the value even lower, perhaps into negative territory. Some traders have wisely hedged their bets by securing thousands of the new zero Dinar notes, the only denomination guaranteed not to drop in value.

If the program goes well, President Bush has indicated that he might re-import it for use right here at home. Indeed, if the American economy continues its three-year slide, the US dollar could be on its way to becoming value-free as well. For example, experts now estimate that in 2005 dollars the war effort will cost taxpayers 512 tons of paper money. Bush, however, remains confident that the country's mints can print enough bills to keep up with demand.

Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan could not be reached for comment.