SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH- On Monday John Bucher, attorney for jailed polygamist Tom Green, attempted to reverse his client's conviction based on a recent Supreme Court decision legalizing gay sex on privacy grounds. "Just as in the sodomy case, the government has no business in the bedroom," said Bucher. "The practice of polygamy harms no one- except maybe the thirteen-year-old girl forced by her parents to mate with a bearded stranger. Other than that, it's really no big deal."

Green and his lawyer acknowledged that there is still a great deal of disdain for multiple marriage in other areas of the United States. In his legal brief, Bucher quotes the writings of Joseph Smith translated from sacred gold tablets in 1820: "Hateth not the player but the game."

"This is a question of individual liberty and religious freedom," said Green. "We should have the freedom to marry whom, and how many, we choose- especially if they're too young to legally refuse our proposals."

In addition to the legal case, proponents of polygamy are trying other means to bring the practice into the mainstream. Green and other like-minded groups are pushing for an amendment to the Utah state constitution to define marriage as the union of a man and a woman and a woman and a woman and a woman.

But all is not well on the home front apparently. In a recent survey published in the Salt Lake Tribune Mormon women complained that their men work too much. Some say this is due to their culture of hard work, but others admit that their long hours at the office are just a way to escape from all the chatter.

"I can't see how any guy could do it," said Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff. "I mean, I have enough trouble keeping one marriage going. I can't imagine coming home every night to the sound of half a dozen women nagging at you. Add to that the fact that Green has something like 30 kids. My God, that sounds like an utter nightmare."

Indeed, multi-marriage has become something of a trap in the LDS church. For most mormon men the idea of polygamy sounds enticing at first, forbidden and sexy. But soon visions of Hugh Hefner awash in a sea of womanflesh fade away, replaced with a grey blur of tedious conversations and incidental drama.

All of this might lead one to wonder if polygamy is really worth it for Mormons like Green, whose matronly, makeup-free wives are, to put it bluntly, the precise opposite of "hot." According to Mormon leader Brigham Youngman, thousands of followers have renounced polygamy in recent years. "Take my wives," pleaded Youngman. "Please."

The legal strategy of equating polygamy with homosexuality, a practice officially condemned by the church of Latter Day Saints, has caused some controversy, but Bucher and Green see a clear distinction. "The scriptures are clear on this point: homosexuality will get you a one-way ticket to hell," said Green. "On the other hand, the Bible doesn't say anything against marrying children in bulk."

Inspired by Green's case, other groups have taken up the charge. "If the government has to stay out of my bedroom, what gives them the right to snoop around in my stables?" asked Catherine Alexeevna of the Equine Eroticism Society. "It just doesn't seem fair."

If successful, Bucher's argument would not only free his client but also, in effect, legalize the practice of polygamy nationwide. "That way my wives and I could live anywhere we wanted," said Green excitedly. "I'm not complaining, though. Utah would be a really nice place to live- if it weren't for all the damned Mormons running around."